Surrender or die.

Accept what you can't change.

Change what you can't accept.

Let the flow of life carry you like a fish down a river.

Don't think, just do.

Don't do. Just think.

Give in to the natural rhythm and flow of things.

Stop resisting.

You are only making things harder on yourself.

Just let your own intuition carry you.

How does one do this?

I have never been plugged into this... "flow". That everyone else seems to be into.

Is there something wrong with them or with me? Or is there anything wrong with anybody to begin with?

I've never been able to just listen to my body and go with the flow. I don't know what people truly mean when they say to do this. What do they mean? What am I supposed to be doing?

Do I really not the bare bones basics of life figured out? How does everyone have this all figured out?

Oh, but then I learn that most people don't even have to think about it. Not once, ever. They are so plugged into the flow that they never even realize they are alive. Never thinking, never questioning. So alive that they are virtually dead.

I can't make any sense of this existence.

Screw it all. I shall just follow my own heart, and stop listening to other people.

All they do is meddle with my mind and confuse me, anyways.

I am me, and I am the world.

I've got the whole of Earth in my fingertips.

I must break out of this prison, this shell, this fear, this... invisible, vague force holding me back from who I really am.

The only question is... how? Nobody else can answer this question.

Apparently, it is up to me. It is up to me to find my own place in this life, in this world.

Fuck what others say. "Just go with the flow." Stop toying with my mind. Like it's so easy to just "let go".

I am not you. You are not me. Stop acting like you know what is good for me and like you know who and what I am on the inside.

I am different. I am wild.

I am not a part of the flow of life.

I am my own thing entirely.

I am something unique.

Something never before seen. Something that will change everything.

How do you people sleep at night just accepting that life is what it is?

I have never been able to do that.

It feels like everyone is a part of some great, big club that I am excluded from. Time and time again. And people wonder why I am bitter. Why I isolate myself.

I hate seeing people do people things without me. I hate seeing myself miss out on the flow of life. I hate seeing other people just living. Because I envy them. I am broken inside.

I have never been able to "just live".

Everyone is part of the flow of life but me. I have always felt this deep feeling of isolation in my heart. Even as a child, I did.

Everyone else always seemed able to just... live. All of my old friends went on and just got jobs because the flow of life brought them there. The flow of life simply never brought me there. Why me? What the hell did I do wrong?

Am I just disabled?

Am I that mentally ill?

Am I bound for a very different type of life than most people? Am I treading uncharted waters?

Why can everyone else but me just surrender to the flow?

I am so resistant to change. But I know I need it more than anything.

Why do I need to be like everyone else, anyways? That is the pain in being a member of a social species. You have a natural desire to be just like everyone else, yet... true greatness comes from standing out.

These two things contradict each other.

How does one balance the two? Or simply not care about fitting in?

How does everyone else have this figured out but me?

Can I really not figure out this basic flow-of-life stuff? Am I stupid? Or do I just dwell too much? I'm aware of the fact that I dwell, yet I can not stop.

This is why I wonder if there is something broken inside of me...

I feel like life itself left me behind.

And people wonder why I hate life so bitterly.

I need to stop looking for guidance externally. It never helps. Or perhaps I need to stop resisting. Both ideas have a point. Why must life be so complex? I just want what I want.

"The flow of life."

I just have always wanted to be a part of this big club...

I have always wanted to feel in-tune with the world and with my fellow humans...

But this feeling of isolation... it never goes away no matter what.

This feeling of disconnection from my own body, from my own emotions, from my own species... it is traumatizing.

I just want to be one with my own kind. And to not feel so deeply alone...

I just don't want to be alone.

Good god no.

Loneliness is a special kind of hell. One that I am all too comfortable and familiar with.

I have always wanted to be one with my own kind. I just don't want to feel so deeply alone. I just want to feel human. I just want to feel understood. I just want to feel like my presence actually means something to other people, and affects their lives in a positive way. I want people to wonder where I am when I am gone.

I want to hold someone and to be held by someone. I want to cuddle and to be cuddled. I want to kiss and be kissed. I want to hear another human's voice whisper into my ear, the magic words: "I love you." And I want to give the same to someone else.

I just want the isolation to stop. I just want the pain to stop.

What will deliver me from this, I have yet to know.

But nevertheless, I persist day by day.

I never said I was giving up, y'know.

No matter how hard it gets, don't stop. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Don't let yourself go.

Take comfort in your friends.

Don't throw your hand.

Even if you don't realize it, or feel like it, you matter. I matter.

I just lose sight of things so easily. I forget what is really important to me. Who is really important to me.

Perhaps one day, if I don't give up, I won't feel so alone anymore. Perhaps one day, if I don't give up, I will hear someone say to me "I love you more than you could ever know." That's all any human has ever really wanted, yes?

If you have read all of this, I thank you dearly.

You have a great day! I'll sure as hell try to myself!

Go with the flow, let your outer shell go.

Be the change you want to see.

Love is all and love is everyone.

The only thing life requires is for you to not give up.

-TheBestBroster

Since I've decided to make a serious pact with myself to retain my will to live as of late, I have come upon a bad mood again. But I am remembering this time around that not every day is a good day. Not every week is a good week. It is ok to feel some pain from time to time. It just means you are human.

Feeling insecure and unsure from time to time just means you are human. I'm glad I have my friends and family. I love you guys.

I just need to remember to live by the day. And take the punches as they come. And punch back when needed, of course.

No one person can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

I need to calm down, and let go. Deal with things when they come up, instead of waiting and letting things fester in the mind.

My good friend, mnzozo, always says to "go with the flow", and... I've realized that perhaps I should give it a try.

I also have come upon a new philosophy of living that works for me. I do believe at this point that life is rather cruel, and meaningless and bla bla bla, I'm 14 and this is deep. I do firmly believe that life is a special kind of hell in a way. Maybe I'm projecting some, here. But I'll just say that mental illness is a bitch, haha.

But that is why I want to make it a special kind of heaven. For myself and for others.

Overall, I've had a bit of a negative mood swing as of late, but I will survive. I will be ok. I will recover. I will not let this bring me down for far too long and cause me to do nothing but mope.

Writing this down was relieving.

I wish you nothing but peace and good times. Thank you for reading this!

-TheBestBroster

Hello fellow Newgrounds people! I just feel the need to blow off steam about things and I figure another blog post about the current state of my life should be a good idea.

Life Update:

So, how are things going?

Kinda well! Kinda not so.

I am further along in the process of getting a job via my job coach than I ever have been, and I have a meeting with her on the 19th. I think there, we should be applying to some places.

I am so happy about this. I am getting there. I am really getting there. I am so excited to get some money in my pockets. I wanna buy people things, I wanna buy myself things, I want to have some to save too! I want to buy a new record player, new records, paper for my typewriter, maybe some new video games, new things of all kinds! I can do so much. Many opportunities will open up for me because of this. But there are some things still holding me back.

There was fraud on my bank account, and I don't know what to do about it, so I have resorted to asking my mom what to do for help, but I am afraid that she will call me stupid or something. I know I shouldn't let this make me not ask for help with something that is getting more and more important by the day, but I think it is because I don't feel entirely safe emotionally around her. I just think that I'm going to be ridiculed for having this happen to be and I am afraid that I won't be helped.

And I can't fucking stop smoking weed. I am unbelievably ashamed of myself. I don't want this to hold me back from getting a decent job, but at the same time I apparently am so emotionally dependent on the substance that I can't seem to be able to go a day without it. I think this really is quite a problem. But I'm just not ready to stop using deep-down. I have to mention this to my job coach sooner rather than later. I had some today, but since I have this in writing on my Newgrounds, maybe I can hold myself to not smoking any more until after I get a job. Maybe if you guys know my situation, it would make me feel more motivated to help myself.

I'm not saying I want to quit entirely, no. I do genuinely love what the drug does for me, but I have become dependent on it, and that part sucks. It's not the drug itself; it's the dependency that sucks. I want to quit being dependent on it. I just want to smoke only on weekends to be completely honest. But I don't have the self-discipline to really take action on any of it. To control my impulses. I keep saying it's my last time but it never is.

I just had a conversation though that is motivating me to stop so... who knows. Maybe I'll be ok.

Ugh, I just don't know what to do. I just really hate myself. See? Things are going really good but also really... poorly. They always are for me.

I don't know why this of all things is the life I was granted, but... I suppose the best thing I can do is try to play the best I can with the cards I have in my hands.

I can always try again tomorrow, too. I haven't given up completely. Or have I? I can't tell anymore. I have so many reasons not to, but they are fleeting in my head. I hate this. I don't know how to even begin to explain all of these strange psychological complexes in my head. There are so many.

But whatever though.

At the end of the day, I do in fact have too many reasons to live. I have so many reasons not to kill myself right now. I have you guys, I've got friends (they are online but they still count just as much in my heart as irl friends), I've got a family, I've got art, I've got hopes and dreams, I want to see myself blossom into my best self one day, I want to do so many things.

I literally have too many reasons to live. For better or for worse. So I will live, then, no matter what. No matter how loud and bright the suicidal thoughts get, no matter how much I feel hated, no matter how worthless I feel.

I know thoughts like those are dark illusions intending to keep me away from myself.

But like my last artwork said, I am feeling a little glimmer of hope about my future. And I haven't felt this in such a long time, if ever. So this is turning out to be a really meaningful transition period in life for me.

So, I just want to end this post by listing some people whose existences I am thankful for. You are all direct reasons for me living still.

My sister, bl00dy-seraphim617, mnzozo, Jojo, TikkiToon, TomFulp (for creating Newgrounds and allowing me to have the friends I have today, and this wonderful space to express myself freely).

Underrated Artist Features:

I don't just want to share what's going on in my life, I also want to share some artists that I think deserve some more attention for their good work!

EggKtty - Great original character designs and owner of a distinctive style!

Meezimoo - Loads of variety, both in content and in style! And loads of South Park fanart if you're into that!

Alixey - If you like slickly done furry art and O.C.'s, this artist may be for you!

MuryNG - Ever improving with great fanart!

RoadAbelgeym - Wonderful artwork featuring lots of furry characters (and some humans) in tasteful, suggestive poses!

That's all from TheBestBroster! See you guys later!

I've barely been active in life or on the internet the past month. I have hit a rock bottom. But that means that the only way to go now is up. I will be ok.

I just want to let you guys know I'm here again. I'll be trying to live more of a life. I said trying to, not doing it, LOL. But in all seriousness, I will try.

I just wanna have a nice little life. That is all. I don't demand much out of life.

Peace, everybody. I will sincerely try to be ok and to take care of myself.

Hey there, it's TheBestBroster here!

I've been wanting to make a news post to follow up on that really sad one I made a couple weeks ago. If any of you saw that I'm sorry, that was a really bitter, kind of mean-spirited way of expressing my feelings.

I'm currently struggling with a lot of mental health issues if you don't know.

First, I want to let you guys know that I am stable enough as I write this.

But yeah, things in general haven't been so great for me. That's why I haven't really drawn much this month. I swear the anxiety and depression are causing a massive art block. I just can't bring myself to do that much with my days anymore...

I've just been living in this limbo state of being too afraid to live and too afraid to die my entire life. I don't know what this is.

I just feel so disconnected from everything and everyone around me.

I'm still trying though.

Still trying to find meaning where I can, still trying to find reasons to go on.

And I do have to give a huge thank you to you people.

You. The Newgrounds community as a whole.

Because you have given to me compassion and understanding during a rather dark period for me. I've met people here who I truly understand. That never happened all throughout school. Only here have I met the people who are right for me.

So, overall, my life has been... not so great. But I have been finding solace in people I've met here, and in little things.

I'm ok. And I'm still trying to make something of my life. No matter the odds. I know damn well I haven't survived 20 painful, awkward years on this Earth for no reason.

I wish you all a good day/night!

Too scared to live, too scared to die.

Here lies my curse.

What the fuck is you people's deal? You people just walk the fuck around not questioning anything. Life is fucking meaningless and none of you people seem to fucking care. Why does nobody understand me? WHY? It isn't fucking fair!!!!! Fuck people.

"Oh, well why does life need a point?" - Because EVERYTHING NEEDS A POINT. Otherwise why do you do it?

All of you motherfuckers are the same. Walking around, just living life. HOW? HOW? HOW?

I don't understand this?

What is soooo fucking good about being alive, huh? Fuck everybody.

Why do people continue to just live when they realize it has no meaning? Doesn't that make you want to kill yourself? How do you keep living when you have no reason to?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Hello, Newgrounds! Just trying to advertise quick that I do indeed do commissions! I can do some quality work for what is in my opinion, a decent price!

Now that I've advertised, what's been goin' on in Broster land?

Well, I'm in the process of getting a job and a driver's license, so that's something! I'm quite anxious about it all, and I don't even know if I'll be able to get around without G.P.S., even in my own town. Yeah, I know that's pathetic or whatever, blablabla shut up, I know. But whatever. It's there. I'll use my resources. I just need to get used to driving as a whole anyways.

Yeah, there's been a lot of anxiety and depression in Broster land! Not the happiest place, But I'll be ok I guess.

I'm working on an animation that should hopefully actually be released. It's a parody of Castlevania: The Adventure, on the Game Boy.

I don't have much else to say other than, you all have a great day!

And if you made it here, thank you for reading!

Tell me how you're doin! Maybe we can have a nice chat!